Thursday, March 25, 2010

"Hello Mr Abba, this is Susan Jamison. I got your name and number from Herbert Seymore."

"I see," I said that as I opened the door to my old car. At that moment I was standing in the parking lot of the park where I took my morning walk. On that day the walk began at 10am instead of my usual 8am. the weather was turning cooler so my walking outside was pushed back until the sun had a chance to warm the air. It wouldn't be too much longer until I would either walk after lunch or move it all into the mall. That idea really bothered me.

"Mr. Abba, Herbert said that you could serve court papers when others couldn't"

"That's nice of him but I doubt that it isn't completely accurate."

"I am in need of a first class process server."

"Sorry but I'm not looking for a job."

"No, I didn't mean a job. I would like to contract with you to serve all our court documents."

"I'm really not interested," I said it as forcefully as I could. I thought it would put an end to the conversation.

"Herbert said that you were retired and probably not looking to work too much, this probably wouldn't take you five hours a month. If you were to take them all, I think we could work out a compensation package that would be satisfactory."

"What do you call satisfactory?"

"I'm certainly open to negotiations." she suggested. "Look, at the moment I'm paying $30 a service and $20 for refusal to accept. Those are rare but they do happen. The re service of those papers is $20 each time until the guy accepts the paper. It could take ten attempts. It is rare that it goes on that long. Usually his attorney will accept the papers for him if all else fails."

"Why not just serve all of them to the attorney?" I asked.

"It's professional courtesy. If the man denies service the attorney would be forced to tell what he did with the paper or claim client attorney privilege. It just looks bad."

"Well I can serve papers for you but, if it is just going to be the ones I have to chase down, $30 isn't even close to enough."

"How about you carve out an area you are willing to cover and I give you all the papers in that area. If we did that what would you want to serve them all for a flat rate,"

"I assume you want the whole county covered?"

"At least that. I would take in both of the twin cities. We could negotiate anything outside the county on a case by case basis."

"How fast would you need delivery attempts? A trip to Williams for one paper is a real money loser."

"One week normally, with a surcharge for same day." she suggested.

"Okay I'll do the seven day for $30 each, Same day for $50, Out of area $50 plus expenses." Since I don't have a clue what the expenses will be, this is just a starting point. We will renegotiate the pricing later." It sounded like it would just be pocket money, and it would get me out of the house.

"That sounds fair enough," she replied.

"One more thing, you have to help me set up a courier company to give us both some cover." I was thinking like a cop again. I wanted some structure behind me.

"I can do that." You are right a formal company relationship would help us both with taxes and give us some cover. I'll get right on it. What name do you want to use."

"Lightening Express Courier Service," I suggested.

Three thing got accomplished over lunch with Susan, we laid out the guidelines for our relationship, She got the information to file the papers for my new venture, and she also handed me three court summons to serve. Oh yeah, we also had lunch.

I found out a few things about Susan during our short lunch. She was about two thirds of my forty five years of age. She had dazzling red hair, and she wanted her husband to move the hell out. The last I guessed, since on the cell phone, she said to him in a snippy voice, "You have to actually go to the interview, to get the job. We will talk about this when I get home. I'm with a client." there were a few more words spoken, but I tuned them out.

"So do I get to serve the papers on you husband?" I smiled knowing she was not going to be happy that I knew.

"It isn't that bad yet. It's just that I think he might be learning to enjoy unemployment."

She seemed to be upset but not really as angry as other women might be. "I'll give you a discount if you decide to go that route."

"Thanks, I'll keep that in mind. Speaking of that I have three for you."

"I can't charge you for these, I don't have the structure set up yet."

"Do it as an employee and I'll file your papers with the state free." I nodded my agreement, At that point she tossed them onto the table. There is one who has been a problem. He has been avoiding service."

"Do you have a fact sheet on him you can email me."

"What kind of facts?"

"I need to know what he does for a living and where I can reach him during the day."

"I have that attached to all of them."

"Good, lets make that a requirement. I get all the information you have on the subject."

"Well all the pertinent information anyway," she agreed.

I served two of the papers before I even when home. The man who was avoiding service was a real estate agent. I could call to make an appointment and fake him out that way, but it would be difficult to ask for him without making him suspicious. Then of course I had the Lightening Express ID card it would be shame not to use it. I stopped by Office Depot to pick up a long mailing tube. The kind used to protect building plans.

It was simple to have an address label printed and installed on the tube. Five minutes later I was standing in front of the receptionist at a large realty company. I had the large name tag with the Lightening express logo hanging from my shirt pocket.

"Delivery for Amos Reynolds," I said holding the tube. The receptionist reached for it. "Not till he signs," I suggested as I pulled the tube away.

"I'm authorized to sign for it," she replied.

"Cool beans, it is insured for 500 bucks, be sure to put your address on the paper, so the boss knows who to come after, if he tosses it. We all know how careful these executives are."

"Hold on I'll get him on the phone." She picked up the phone and asked the man who answered to come to her desk. She explained that no it was an express courier. He obviously asked if I was a process server.

"Who sent it?" he asked before he accepted the tube?"

"Thomas and Wiley engineers," I read the made up name from the tube.

"I don't know them."

"That's fine. I get paid whether you take it or not." I turned to leave.

"Hold on," he said that to my back.

"Make up your mind, I'm on a schedule." he signed the clipboard and took the tube.

"Oh yeah there is a message with that," I pretended to look through the papers on the clip board then I said. "Oh hell your wife said she would see you in court. You have just been served. Have a blessed day." I walked away smiling.

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